OK folks I guess I'm gonna have to show you how this is done:
Singing "Bye Bye Miss American Pie" at the chair model's grave:
Michael Scott: Bye, bye, Miss Chair Model Lady I dreamt that we were married and you treated me nice We had lots of kids Drinking whiskey and rye Why'd you have to go off and die? Why'd you have to go off and die...
Prison Mike: Michael Scott: I stole... and I robbed... and I kidnapped the president's son... and held him for ransom. Jim Halpert: That is quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike. Michael Scott: And I never got caught neither. Jim Halpert: Well, you were in prison, but umhmm.
Dwight's speech (coached by Jim) when he was salesman of the year:
Dwight's Speech: BLOOD ALONE MOVES THE WHEELS OF HISTORY! [pause] Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation - which everyone finds during the day - how long we have been striving for greatness? [bangs fist] Not only the years we've been at war the war of work but from the moment as a child, when we realize the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle [bang's fists again] a never-ending fight, I say to you [bangs again] and you will understand that it is a privilege to fight. WE ARE WARRIORS! [applause] Salesmen of north-eastern Pennsylvania, I ask you once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour. [even bigger applause as Dwight gives a horrible sounding laugh] No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself. Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers, and door to door charlatans. This is our duty to change their perception. I say, salesman and women of the world... unite. We must never acquiesce, for it is together... TOGETHER THAT WE PREVAIL. WE MUST NEVER CEDE CONTROL OF THE MOTHERLAND...
not sure if its "all time favorite" but i love it...
Jim Halpert: [Jim sits at his desk, dressed like Dwight] Question. What kind of bear is best? Dwight Schrute: That's a ridiculous question. Jim Halpert: False. Black bear. Dwight Schrute: Well, that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought... Jim Halpert: Bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica. Dwight Schrute: Bears do not... what is going on? What are you doing? Jim Halpert: [In interview] Last week I was in a drugstore, and I saw these glasses for $4.00. And it only cost me $7.00 to recreate the rest of the ensemble. And that is a grand total of $11.00. Dwight Schrute: [Back at their desks] You know what? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I thank you. Jim Halpert: [Jim takes a bobblehead doll out of his suitcase and sets it on his desk] Dwight Schrute: Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year! Jim Halpert: [Beat] Michael! Dwight Schrute: Oh, that's funny. Michael!
Dwight Schrute: We-- Don't you wanna earn Schrute Bucks!? Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley Nickels if you never talk to me again. Dwight Schrute: What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks? Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.
Michael Scott: You cannot learn from a book [starts tearing out pages from textbook] Replace these pages with life lessons, and then you will have a book that's worth it's weight in gold. I know these are expensive, but the lesson is priceless.
"Abraham Lincoln once said that 'If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North' and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace." - Michael Scott
Jim: Okay, so... three books on a desert island? Angela. Angela: The Bible. Stanley: That's one book. You've got two others. Angela: A Purpose Driven Life. Jim: Nice. Third book? Angela: No. Jim: Okay. Phyllis. Phyllis: Um, The DaVinci Code. Angela: The DaVinci Code! Jim: Nice. Angela: I would take The DaVinci Code... so I could burn The DaVinci Code. Dwight: Okay. Great, that's going to keep you warm for like 7 seconds. Question: is there fire wood on the island? Jim: I guess. Dwight: Then I would bring an axe, no books. Jim: Uh, it has to be a book, Dwight. Dwight: Fine. Physician's Desk Reference. Jim: Nice. Smart. Dwight: ...hollowed out, inside: waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket, and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question: did my shoes come off in the plane crash?
Kevin: "I do the numbers." to the new HR person who thinks he's retarded . . .
"Creed smells like death"
Jim Halpert: All right. [pause] Well, I'm not asking for a raise. I'm going to actually be asking for a pay decrease. Dwight Schrute: Uh, that is so stupid. What if he gives it to you? Jim Halpert: Then I win.
First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go “wow, I need this beet right now.” Those are the money beets.
Michael: Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one. [types something] Michael: 'Little Kid Lover'. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
Michael Scott: Funny story. The way I got into improv was- I got into improv- oh, the story about me getting into improv was that I was walking down the street and a racecar pulls up, and the guy says, 'Hey, you're funny. You're the funniest guy I've ever seen. Or my name is not Dale Earnhardt.' [laughs] And that, was an improv. [pause] Um, the real way was that I found a flyer.
This is more like a favorite episode, The Survivorman, but here are the quotes from it that I love...
Michael Scott: I want to go and find out something about myself. I want to get out of here. All the cliques and the... office politics. Fluorescent lighting. Asbestos. Jim Halpert: I thought we had that looked at.
(He has Dwight drop him off in the "wilderness")
Michael Scott: I have brought with me only the bare essentials. A knife. A roll of duct tape. In case I need to fashion a shelter, or make some sort of water vessel. Dwight Schrute: I lied to Michael. I said that I would leave him alone but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support. But I will never help him. I will let harm befall him. I will even, let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity. Michael Scott: It's hot! Today. The sun is in the two-thirds Easterly quadrant which would make it about... [looks at watch] 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Really beating down on me now. I think, that I want to get a little more comfortable, because the sun is depleting my resources. [starts cutting dress pants into shorts] Oh there we go. Watch that I don't hit my corroded artery. Michael Scott: Well it is a little chillier than I had thought. So I have fashioned my hat back into my pants.
(He leaves with Dwight, after Dwight saves him from eating poisonous mushrooms, HILARIOUS! And then at the end of the day he says this:
Michael Scott: Man became civilized for a reason. He decided that he liked to have warmth, and clothing and television. And hamburgers. And to walk upright. And to have a soft futon at the end of the day. He didn't want to have to struggle to survive. I don't need the woods. I have a nice, wood desk. I don't need fresh air. Because I have the freshest air around. A/C. And I don't need wide open spaces. Check it out. [turns monitor] I can also make it the sky.
18 comments:
Prison Mike!!!!
OK folks I guess I'm gonna have to show you how this is done:
Singing "Bye Bye Miss American Pie" at the chair model's grave:
Michael Scott: Bye, bye, Miss Chair Model Lady
I dreamt that we were married and you treated me nice
We had lots of kids
Drinking whiskey and rye
Why'd you have to go off and die? Why'd you have to go off and die...
Prison Mike:
Michael Scott: I stole... and I robbed... and I kidnapped the president's son... and held him for ransom.
Jim Halpert: That is quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike.
Michael Scott: And I never got caught neither.
Jim Halpert: Well, you were in prison, but umhmm.
Dwight's speech (coached by Jim) when he was salesman of the year:
Dwight's Speech: BLOOD ALONE MOVES THE WHEELS OF HISTORY! [pause] Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation - which everyone finds during the day - how long we have been striving for greatness? [bangs fist] Not only the years we've been at war the war of work but from the moment as a child, when we realize the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle [bang's fists again] a never-ending fight, I say to you [bangs again] and you will understand that it is a privilege to fight. WE ARE WARRIORS! [applause] Salesmen of north-eastern Pennsylvania, I ask you once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour. [even bigger applause as Dwight gives a horrible sounding laugh] No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself. Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers, and door to door charlatans. This is our duty to change their perception. I say, salesman and women of the world... unite. We must never acquiesce, for it is together... TOGETHER THAT WE PREVAIL. WE MUST NEVER CEDE CONTROL OF THE MOTHERLAND...
Audience: ...FOR IT IS TOGETHER THAT WE PREVAIL!
not sure if its "all time favorite" but i love it...
Jim Halpert: [Jim sits at his desk, dressed like Dwight] Question. What kind of bear is best?
Dwight Schrute: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim Halpert: False. Black bear.
Dwight Schrute: Well, that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought...
Jim Halpert: Bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight Schrute: Bears do not... what is going on? What are you doing?
Jim Halpert: [In interview] Last week I was in a drugstore, and I saw these glasses for $4.00. And it only cost me $7.00 to recreate the rest of the ensemble. And that is a grand total of $11.00.
Dwight Schrute: [Back at their desks] You know what? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I thank you.
Jim Halpert: [Jim takes a bobblehead doll out of his suitcase and sets it on his desk]
Dwight Schrute: Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Jim Halpert: [Beat] Michael!
Dwight Schrute: Oh, that's funny. Michael!
even better than a requote...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vX5pHK1ey4k&feature=related
thanks to Barry for his web searching prowess....
Dwight Schrute: We-- Don't you wanna earn Schrute Bucks!?
Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley Nickels if you never talk to me again.
Dwight Schrute: What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks?
Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.
"Oompa, doompa, doopidy dawesome. Dwight is now gone which is totally awesome!"
anything involving....
"that's what she said"
as well as any scene involving Andy singing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-rkwYTko7A&feature=related
"Your gayness is not what defines you. Your Mexicaness is what defines you, to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar's Mexicanity." - Michael
"Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing." Dwight K. Schrute
Michael Scott: You cannot learn from a book [starts tearing out pages from textbook] Replace these pages with life lessons, and then you will have a book that's worth it's weight in gold. I know these are expensive, but the lesson is priceless.
"Abraham Lincoln once said that 'If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North' and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace." - Michael Scott
Jim: Okay, so... three books on a desert island? Angela.
Angela: The Bible.
Stanley: That's one book. You've got two others.
Angela: A Purpose Driven Life.
Jim: Nice. Third book?
Angela: No.
Jim: Okay. Phyllis.
Phyllis: Um, The DaVinci Code.
Angela: The DaVinci Code!
Jim: Nice.
Angela: I would take The DaVinci Code... so I could burn The DaVinci Code.
Dwight: Okay. Great, that's going to keep you warm for like 7 seconds. Question: is there fire wood on the island?
Jim: I guess.
Dwight: Then I would bring an axe, no books.
Jim: Uh, it has to be a book, Dwight.
Dwight: Fine. Physician's Desk Reference.
Jim: Nice. Smart.
Dwight: ...hollowed out, inside: waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket, and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question: did my shoes come off in the plane crash?
Kevin: "I do the numbers." to the new HR person who thinks he's retarded . . .
"Creed smells like death"
Jim Halpert: All right. [pause] Well, I'm not asking for a raise. I'm going to actually be asking for a pay decrease.
Dwight Schrute: Uh, that is so stupid. What if he gives it to you?
Jim Halpert: Then I win.
Wow, I've missed a lot today. Ok, here's one...
Andy: Best ad ever? [singing] Give me a break…gimme a break…break me off a piece of that…[stops] I am totally blanking! What is the thing?
Jim: Nobody tell him!
Andy: Wha? No…why?
Jim: You got it, you’re so close.
Andy: Break me off a piece of that…apple sauce
Jim: Break me off a piece of that apple sauce. I don’t think that’s…
Andy: Piece of that Chrysler car…football cream…
Dwight:
First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go “wow, I need this beet right now.” Those are the money beets.
Michael: Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one.
[types something]
Michael: 'Little Kid Lover'. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
Michael Scott: Funny story. The way I got into improv was- I got into improv- oh, the story about me getting into improv was that I was walking down the street and a racecar pulls up, and the guy says, 'Hey, you're funny. You're the funniest guy I've ever seen. Or my name is not Dale Earnhardt.' [laughs] And that, was an improv. [pause] Um, the real way was that I found a flyer.
This is more like a favorite episode, The Survivorman, but here are the quotes from it that I love...
Michael Scott:
I want to go and find out something about myself. I want to get out of here. All the cliques and the... office politics. Fluorescent lighting. Asbestos.
Jim Halpert: I thought we had that looked at.
(He has Dwight drop him off in the "wilderness")
Michael Scott:
I have brought with me only the bare essentials. A knife. A roll of duct tape. In case I need to fashion a shelter, or make some sort of water vessel.
Dwight Schrute:
I lied to Michael. I said that I would leave him alone but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support. But I will never help him. I will let harm befall him. I will even, let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity.
Michael Scott:
It's hot! Today. The sun is in the two-thirds Easterly quadrant which would make it about... [looks at watch] 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Really beating down on me now. I think, that I want to get a little more comfortable, because the sun is depleting my resources. [starts cutting dress pants into shorts] Oh there we go. Watch that I don't hit my corroded artery.
Michael Scott: Well it is a little chillier than I had thought. So I have fashioned my hat back into my pants.
(He leaves with Dwight, after Dwight saves him from eating poisonous mushrooms, HILARIOUS! And then at the end of the day he says this:
Michael Scott: Man became civilized for a reason. He decided that he liked to have warmth, and clothing and television. And hamburgers. And to walk upright. And to have a soft futon at the end of the day. He didn't want to have to struggle to survive. I don't need the woods. I have a nice, wood desk. I don't need fresh air. Because I have the freshest air around. A/C. And I don't need wide open spaces. Check it out. [turns monitor] I can also make it the sky.
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